Moment of Impact.

It recently snowed here in Tacoma, which is unusual because it's February and well the snow should be behind us. Also recently I was in a car accident that put an abrupt halt to everything and well it's unusual for me to have everything turned upside down. Turns out what I think should be, is the last thing to what actually is.

So as it may, I became unable to do anything but look at snow that shouldn't be falling while forced to do nothing while I should be doing everything. Last night, I was riding passenger in a car looking at the snow on the road and how the headlights just showed enough to see a little bit ahead I couldn't help but think why are we only able to see just a little bit right now? It's frightening not being able to see everything, to see the full road ahead, not even the end of the road that you're going down. It was the same the night of the accident, just going down a road only able to see just enough in front. Until headlights are all of a sudden shimmering bright on your side and your struck with confusion and fear at the same time until, an abrupt halt paralyzes you in an instant. With you never being able to see it coming. It's terrifying for me to think that an abrupt halt can happen at any moment and there's nothing I can do about it. You can't fore see it, you can't prevent it, you can't stop it, you just experience the impact of it. 

Now don't get me wrong, I really like snow. How it feels on your face when it falls on your nose, how makes everyone instantly excited, and the child that's within us all comes out even for a moment, there's just something about snow that everybody loves. So while I've been stuck in a bed to rest, to heal, to recover, to do whatever it is my body needs to do to work again, I get look out the window and watch the snow fall and as I'm stuck my mind is left to wander and I'm left with all the feelings rushing back in remembrance of my moment of impact. 

As I'm stuck in my bed the headlights come to mind, the little bit of road that I can see but how I'm kept blinded from the end. The headlights that I beg to glow brighter just so I can see further, so I can catch a glimpse of the end. So that another impact won't surprise me, won't destroy me. Sometimes I think the headlights and the limited view in front of me is what God allows me to see, and the dark around, well that's where He calls me to trust. Calls us all to trust.

I won't lie to you I think trusting God is probably one of the biggest challenges I've ever been faced with. 

I think trusting God is one of the hardest things I've ever had to handle. 

I think trusting God is one of the most difficult things I've had to figure out. 

Because He gives you a headlight space to see and then calls you to trust in the dark. Where you're just left to hope and pray that everything that's in the dark He's gonna figure out, He's going to work out, that He's going to solve. You pray that everything that's He's doing in the dark will prevent unknown impact from hurting, from destroying you. You pray that what's in the dark won't catch you off guard, won't throw you for a whirlwind. You beg, plead and you pray that the headlight amount of space will grow just enough that you can see just a little bit more of what He's doing. 

I am the last person that would willingly choose to lay in the bed for days doing nothing, accomplishing nothing, resolving nothing. I'm the last person that would lay in a bed or spend hours in silence. Yet that's where I am and that's what I'm doing because after impact, I'm in the dark because right now I'm left to pray. 

I can't tell you that I know what I'm doing and I can't tell you that I'm totally okay but what I can tell you is that I've been here before and He gets less scary each time and He shows up quicker each time. I can't tell you that the dark isn't scary but what I can tell you is that He is always taking care of me. So right now although I can't see anything, I have to know, I have to hope that while I'm in the dark He's working, He's moving and He's providing. Because He has to and He wants to and He gets to because I'm stuck in a bed looking out the window watching snow fall on Tacoma while He is preparing me for my next moment of impact.

"Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." Exodus 14:13-14